Posted on 09 September 2019
My struggle with mental health came on hard and fast about 18 months ago. I thought that what I was experiencing was possibly delayed postpartum but after reading up on it, it wasn’t likely that it was that. I carried on thinking these deep, dark, anxious and overwhelmingly negative feelings were my new normal and that I had to get over it. I always put it down to being a mum of two sweet but busy boys and my inability to cope with everything that comes with that. Everything came to a breaking point just before moving back to Canada from the UK. My anxious moments were beginning to consume me and I would have serious freak outs over the smallest things. I never felt I was enough, that I was deserving of good things or that I was a good mum. I was also refusing to accept that *I* could experience anxiety because that word is so easily thrown around by reality celebrities that I despise so I didn’t want to be associated with that. Also, I had friends and colleagues who suffered from “real” anxiety, who had “real” issues and that my situation isn’t as bad as theirs, so how dare I even complain?
I eventually started journaling my feelings and emotions and realized I would only dip low once a month- it was then that I realized, and that my doctor told me I was suffering from PMDD- premenstrual dysmorphic disorder aka PMS’ evil twin 🙈. Unfortunately with PMDD there is no real cure. Like post partum, it’s like a light switch and could just magically turn off one day.
Since becoming aware of PMDD, I’m taking steps to better myself mentally and physically in hopes this will tip my hormonal balance in a good way. My doc suggested I go on anti depressants but after reading the 17 pages of possible side effects, I opted for the more natural route by taking natural supplements and herbal remedies.
I’m blessed to have the most supportive husband in the world who supports me, comforts me and most importantly believes in me and my capabilities beyond belief ❤️ I’m human and I’m enough 🙌🏾